Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
