I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize