Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Randomize
