Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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