what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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