its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
