There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
