I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
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