I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
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