Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
