I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Randomize
