This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
there was a trapeze. enough said
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Randomize
