the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
God, you're like boner-b-gone
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Someone came in the potted fern
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
