He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
