I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
