she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
