Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Randomize
