dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
