I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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