while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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