dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
