My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
