Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
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