Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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