i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
