we should wear snuggies to the strip club
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
be right there i have to get my cape
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Come share oat with me in your robe
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
