I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
