i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
This is my gift to your gina
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
