why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I DEMAND FORESKIN
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
