ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Randomize