Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize