Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
