i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
