mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
