We're facebook friends in real life
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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