i wish my penis had a tongue
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
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