If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
