I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
