I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
We have started to decorate penises.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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