lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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