Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Randomize
