I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Randomize
