i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
my sisters under your porch take her home
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
