??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
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