Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize