true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
jump out the window naked night went bad
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
