my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Blood and glitter go together right?
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
