Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Randomize