im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
