To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
