If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
