Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Randomize
