I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
