doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Randomize
