i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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