Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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