she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize