She said her name was "party"
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
