So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
