He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
