I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize
