i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
We don't watch enough power rangers
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
