I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
