Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize
