I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
